My perfect burger

Okay first up I can’t claim to be an authority on burgers. Coffee yes. Cinnamon rolls definitely. Cocktails maybe once upon a time. But burgers… I never eat them outside of barbeque season. I’m not American. I have never set foot inside an In-N-Out burger. I haven’t even tried a big mac for goodness sake

But the sun is shining, there is a delicious smoky meaty smell wafting over the neighbours’ fence and I’m thinking we should fire up the barbeque ourselves. Throw on some marinated chicken, a few sausages and of course a hamburger or two. I am pretty particular about my burgers. I think because I eat them so rarely I want them to be a special treat.

My absolute favourite place for a burger used to be the Eagle Bar Diner off Tottenham Court Road. I think it has closed down now and apparently it went off in later years but I used to love it. My favourite thing to order was a hamburger, fat chips and a lychee martini. Blissful.

If I am making a DIY burger at home, this is how I go about achieving burger perfection. First of all you need the right climatic conditions. A truly fabulous burger can’t be cooked indoors under the electric grill. It needs sunshine, charcoal and lots of patience to get the barbeque to just the right temperature. A fierce enough heat to char the meat and give it a bit of surface crunch but not too hot that it dries out the juices. Medium rare is best.

The bread roll has to be white and soft inside but with a tiny bit of crunch – almost imperceptible - on the crust. Preferably homemade and fresh from the oven. (I admit the roll in my picture is less than perfect. I ran out of white flour and had to mix in some wholemeal.) Your bread to meat ratio has to be spot on too. Burgers that are nothing but great mouthfuls of fluffy white bread and hardly any meat are a sad disappointment. Likewise there is nothing messier or more frustrating than struggling with a generous-sized burger and toppings but not enough bread to hold the thing together.

Before adding anything to the roll, I spread it with a thin layer of butter to waterproof the bread. Soggy bread has no place near a perfect burger. There are several must have ingredients; coleman’s mustard, ketchup and gerkins and/or jalepenos to give sweetness and kick. I also like piri piri sauce but it’s an optional extra. I think with a burger you are aiming to pack every flavour and texture into one bite. Sweet, salty, spicy, bitter, meaty, juicy, dry, fresh, crunchy, crisp and smooth. It’s all there.

Sometimes I am satisfied with a nice piece of crisp lettuce and nothing else. Other times I quite like a bit of Stilton melted on top. But my number one all time favourite burger toppings are watercress (the big dark green leafy stuff obviously) and pickled beetroot.

So that is my perfect burger. Now I just need to figure out how to recreate that lychee martini.

Happy barbequing!

Dinosaur cake

This beauty is my first ever attempt at a novelty birthday cake. And I have to say I am mighty proud of him. Little M like most boys his age is OBSSESSED with dinosaurs. I would be surprised if there are many palaeontologists out there more informed than he is. Initially I had no intention of making one myself but by the time I had unsuccessfully scanned all the supermarket shelves and got a quote from a local baker (too pricey), I realised it was all down to me.

The fanciest I have ever got with a birthday cake before is to write their new age in smarties on the top of a Victoria sponge so this was quite a leap. I used a Nigella recipe for a birthday buttermilk cake which is supposed to be good for holding unusual shapes. And I baked it in this cake tin. Don’t worry I didn’t sculpt the whole thing myself. 

 

I was forewarned by reviews on amazon that you needed to use cake release spray to grease the tin. It is pretty gruesome stuff. It contains wax and all sorts of worrisome ingredients.

 

It worked because the cake slipped out like a dream but did leave a weird bubbly texture across the surface. Here he is in all his naked T-rex glory.

I did have to mentally ease up on what I do and don’t allow the kids to eat for this cake. The green icing I used had a warning on the pack that one of the E numbers could cause kids to become over-active. I reasoned a birthday comes once a year and I could have them back on the healthy stuff the next day.

I rolled the icing as thin as I dared and draped it over the cake. I was convinced I would immediately lose all the lovely dino detail but it came through after a bit of gentle pressing and stroking.

I used squeezy tubes of fruit gel for cake decorating to pick out the details and cut out triangles of white icing for the teeth and circles for the eyes and dotted jelly tots everywhere. My friend who must be psychic texted me at 10pm saying I hope you are not up making the cake. I was. You can see my espresso cup in the background.  

The birthday boy loved it though you wouldn’t know from this rather melancholy picture post candle blow out. Maybe he’s focusing on his birthday wish.

And Little P couldn’t get enough of the green icing. I kept a sharp eye on her for signs of hyperactivity but I think she was okay.

I was trying to psyche myself up for another novelty cake bake a few days later for Little P’s birthday. She had her heart set on a Hello Kitty cake but I was feeling a little baked out. I knew I had found my perfect out when I spied this pink piggy in M&S.

My kids’ current film obsession is Charlotte’s Web so when they saw Wilbur in cake form I knew I was off the hook, Hello Kitty well and truly forgotten. I was going to make an accompanying Charlotte from a tunnocks teacake and eight chocolate fingers but we all forgot so it didn’t really matter.

 

Maybe next year...

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Phew! I’ve thrown two birthday parties in one week. Little M turned five and little P three within days of each other. It was the first time I'd done separate ‘at home’ parties for them and oh my goodness it was hard work! I hadn’t realised how much preparation was involved.

Little M’s party fell on the only rainy day of the week, which meant no bouncy castle in the garden and ten boisterous boys bouncing around indoors instead. Luckily I was ready with plan B, a military precision schedule of party games and party food all timed to the last minute.

I am always amazed at other children's parties how kids love doing crafts. I guess they need something calming after all that jumping around. I’ve seen crown making, colouring party bags and biscuit decorating all go down really well. We opted for shield making. I cut out shield shapes in gold and silver card and they decorated them with stickers, pompoms and feathers. It was amazingly popular and we had a prize for the best knight.

As a complete contrast, it was a gloriously hot day on Little P’s birthday, so we had a very easy laid back party in the garden. We finally got our bouncy castle. Hurray! And a rather bizarre warning not to have a barbeque on it. We only needed a couple of party games as the children seemed happy enough racing around the lawn.

We survived it. The children had fun. And there weren't too many tears that couldn't be dried with a packet of Haribos. So here are my tips for hosting a children's party;

• Get help: I’m not including husbands or partners here. You need expert multi-taskers. That means women. Recruit your mum, sister, sister-in-law, other mum friends.
• Keep it simple: Yes I know you want to go all Nigella Lawson domestic goddess but save yourself the hassle. Kids want chocolate finger biscuits and hula hoops. Save your tiffin recipe for a rainy day with the kids. Ditto making your own bunting. Ditto sewing a homemade party dress. You don’t have the time!
• Keep it cheap: I discovered the marvels of the 99p store. Stock up on cute paper cups and plates, party bag supplies, balloons, pass the parcel gifts, pretty much everything here.
• Plan, plan, plan: Make a playlist in advance. Gangnam Style seems to be the party song of choice for YR boys. Dora Explorer is a winner for pre-school girls. I can report that Skyfall was only a popular choice with me. Decide in advance what games you are playing and when you are eating.  
• Haribos: These little gummy wonders are your secret weapon. Hand them out frequently to keep everyone sweet.
• Party bags: If all else goes wrong at least you are sending them on their way with a good party bag which will wipe all preceding disasters from their memories. That is my theory anyway. I put plastic dinosaurs, pencils and haribos in bags for Little M’s friends and fairy wands, bouncy balls and haribos in Little P’s friends.
• Remember: They will be excited about hanging out with each other outside school or pre-school. All the rest is flim flam.

And finally, put a bottle of prosecco in the fridge to chill for later on. You've earned it!

Alphabet biscuits

Little M is learning to write - a tricky business for a left-hander. As a fellow lefty I completely emphasise. The letters feel back to front, you can’t see what you’re doing and anything you do manage to get down you smudge over anyway. The whole process feels totally counter-intuitive. Oh yes and to add to the fun they are learning joined up handwriting from the start.

I need to bring back a love of the written word to our household before Little M chucks down his pencil in despair.

I am thinking biscuits – in the shape of letters – decorated with lots of sweeties.

I made a basic shortbread dough by rubbing together 2oz caster sugar, 4oz butter, and instead of the usual 6oz of plain flour, I added 4oz flour and 2oz ground almonds for a vitamin D hit. I needed some way of justifying all that refined sugar.

The kids loaded their biscuits with jelly tots and smarties. And they were gone in a flash.

Ok that’s letters M and P sorted, only another 24 to go.

I carried a watermelon

Well a marrow really.

This beast has been cluttering up my kitchen work surfaces for a good month now. It is basically an overgrown courgette. I keep waiting for it to start showing signs of wrinkling so I can sling it but it is as shiny and solid as the day we picked it.

My husband thinks we should stuff it with mince but I'm not sure it would even fit in the oven. I found a recipe for stuffed marrow in this post-war recipe book we have, but it looks a little repulsive to me. 

The same book recommends pilchard flan, bacon loaf, sweetcorn pie and chops in batter. Not really my kinda thing.

How great is this kitchen though?

I did come across a reference to marrow and apple chutney in a novel I was reading. That would also solve our apple mountain in the garage problem. If I save a few jam jars and sort out some pretty scraps of fabric maybe I could make some jars of chutney as Christmas presents.

Or I may just hollow the thing out, cut a face into it and turn it into a halloween marrow.

An apple pie a day...

Our apple tree had gone berserk. I am rapidly running out of freezer space and my neighbours are going to start hiding from me if I offer them any more boxes of apples.

 At least the butterflies are loving them.

Forget buddleias. If you want butterflies in your garden, you can't beat piles of rotting apples on the ground. They are all rolling around drunk here.

I've done apple pies, crumbles, cakes, turnovers, betties. I've added blackberries, sultanas, cinnamon, even chocolate. I was all set to try a tarte tatin, then realised I have the wrong sort of apples. You need eaters apparently and mine are cookers. I may give it a bash anyway.

I think my favourite apple pudding has got to be chocolate apple Betty. It's adapted from a Nigel Slater recipe in his book Real Food. It is so quick to make especially if you cheat and buy the breadcrumbs.

Peel and roughly chop five or six large apples and soften them in a pan with a generous slab of butter and a couple of tablespoons of water. Add some sugar. I like my apples fairly tart but you may have a sweet tooth, so go for it. The topping is a mixture of 125g breadcrumbs, 100g soft brown sugar and 100g of chocolate broken in to pieces. Nigel uses dark, I prefer it with milk.

Melt 75g of butter in a pan and stir in 3 tablespoons of golden syrup, then pour over your breadcrumb mixture. Cook for about 35 minutes at 190°C.

It's lovely with cream, ice cream or custard.

Okay only another couple of tonnes of apples to plough through.

Last days of summer

My little boy starts school next week. I feel like we've been gearing up to it forever. We've read and reread Topsy and Tim start school, bought the uniform, met the teachers, toured the school. I'm working on bringing his wake up time from 8.30am to 7am so far with limited success. 

I do think it's going to be great for him. It's a lovely school and I like the focus on outdoor activities and play and creativity. But I'm going to miss that freedom of just taking off with the kids each day on a mini adventure or just hanging out with them doing nothing much.

Little M and I had a perfect day together just the two of us at the weekend. It was gloriously sunny and we made pizza and ate it in the garden.

'I'm making tiger pizza'

It felt like the last day of summer and the last day of freedom. We enjoyed every minute.

I am going to miss my little man. Even though I know I'll be picking him up again at 3 o'clock each day.

Fiori di zucca

These were definitely worth the wait. A pretty long wait too... about twenty years.

When I was 18 I worked as an au pair in a town south of Rome. I met a very sweet lady there who showed me how to make fried courgette flowers stuffed with mozzarella and anchovies. They are pretty much the most delectable thing I have ever eaten but I have never come across them since.

Anyway this summer with a garden to tinker in for the first time in my adult life I decided to put in a vegetable patch and was pretty chuffed when I spotted a packet of seeds for Italian flowering zucchini at the garden centre.

I planted twelve seeds but only one plant survived. The slugs were the number one culprit but the heavy rain and flooding didn't help much either.

This was our garden in July.

My mum and little P scattering egg shells to keep the slugs away - it didn't work.

Then miraculously last week the courgette plant actually flowered.

I racked my memory for the recipe and managed to fry up some pretty decent fiori di zucca fritti alla romana. Here's what I did in case you too are willing to wait two decades until you find some.

First wash and dry the flowers very thouroughly and carefully. That's the boring fiddly bit done. Next make the batter by beating plain flour and beer together with a hand whisk until it is smooth and the consistency of double cream. Peroni or Nastro Azzurro are ideal but I used Carlsberg because there was a bottle in the fridge and it worked fine. 

Cut a ball of bufala mozzarella into sticks a couple of inches long and chop your anchovies in two then stuff each flower. Coat your flowers in batter and fry in shallow hot oil, a few seconds on each side. Once slightly golden and crisp place on kitchen paper.

 

Sprinkle on some salt, crack open a bottle of chilled white wine and you are good to go. 

Eat them hot and enjoy.